Kingdom Stoners
by OneWingedButterfly
Summary: I'm rewriting Kingdom Hearts the funny way. Just I mainly rewrite the cutscenes.
1. Introduction

**Kinky- Hello everyone and welcome to Kingdom Stoners. This is a parody which Contains plenty of character bashing . So if you don't want to read DON'T READ.  
Anyways.. Today's chapter contains Sora, Riku, and Kairi.**

**Sora- Kinky does not own Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Or Disney.**

**Kinky- Thank you Sora. Anyways..**

**Chapter 1- The introduction**

"I've been having these weird thoughts lately.." Sora thought out loud. "About me Riku in a bed.. Without Kairi.. Alone.. And it's 'unprotected.' Is that normal?"

"Well.. No it's not." Kairi said. "It's always been me in there too hasn't it? And it's always been protected.."

"Shut up. Your not even supposed to be in this fic yet." Sora replied,

Kairi stuck her tongue out at Sora.

Then Sora was thrown underwater only to resurface to find Riku holding his hand out to him.

"I'm Sorry Riku... I just don't feel that way about you."

"Look into the darkness.. You will see you have lots of feelings for me."

Sora looked into the darkness.. There were lots of cookies there. Until he found an image of him and Riku, in a bed, without Kairi. And they were eating cookies.

"Riku! All there is is a bunch of cookies!"

"Oh my bad.. I guess I'm screwed then.. You know what? Just take my f-ING hand."

"Ok ok." Sora took his hand.. Or at least attempted to. But the water just washed him away.. Somewhere.. Far away.. To the other side of the island, to where Kairi was.

"Did you figure out why I wasn't in your fantasy?" Kairi asked.

"Umm.. Maybe because your ugly until the Second Game?"

"I'm not ugly I'm cute!" Kairi then saw a flying Sora. "Omg. It's a bird, no it's a plane, no it's Super Man!"

"Umm.. Kairi.. Super Man wears his underwear on the outside.. That more looks like some guy that uses two bottles of hair gel everyday... Wait.. I use two bottles of hair gel everyday." He gasped. I think it's.. Me!

"Well yeah I knew that. I was just seeing how long it would take you to figure it out"  
Kairi smirked.

"Gee thanks.."

Then Sora lost his balance and fell backwards into the water. He went to the bottom of the ocean where birds fell around him. "Okay? How can birds be under-  
water?" he thought.

But then he realized he was standing on Snow White's face.

"Well.. That's new.."

**Kinky- Please review**

**Sora- You made me be gay with Riku! And cookies!**

**Riku- Yeah what's up with that.. I mean Sora I can understand.. But I hate cookies.**

**Kinky- You went to the darkness. It means you have to like cookies.**

**Sora- You gave away the secret to my hair TTTT**

**Kinky- Awe... It doesn't take the brightest genius to know that it would take at least two bottles of hair gel for your hair. Well, please review.**

**Loz- You meanie.**


	2. Awakening

**Kinky- Welcome to the Second Chapter of Kingdom Stoners. It's number 2! The Awakening!**

**Kairi- I'm not in this one TT**

**Riku- So? I'm not either. And neither are cookies.**

**Kinky- Hmm.. Are you so sure about that?**

**Riku- Eh? o.o;; Knowing you.. no.**

**Kinky- Exactly. Now begone.**

**Chapter 2- The Awakening.**

Some random voice says, "so much to do, so little time, take your time, Don't be afraid."

"But that doesn't make sense! If there's so much to do, why would you take your time? And what does being afraid have anything to do with that sentence"  
Sora asked.

"Just shut up I'm not finished, the door is still shut!"

Sora then looked like he was about to cry. "I-I interrupted you? I feel so.. So bad.  
I don't think you'll ever forgive me but can I do anything to-

"STFU! Just step forward!"

"Fine!" Sora whined. And he stepped forward.

Then a shield, a staff, and a sword appeared in front of him.

"Hey they all start with S!" Sora cracked up. "They're the three S-kateers!" Then he realized no one was there. "Oh.. ok.. I'll shut up now.." He went on to pick the staff, which is the most useless weapon of them all. Then Snow White died and he fell to Sleeping Beauty.

Then heartless began to creep out of him. "Oh dear God, what kind of Pokemon is that?"

"The ant kind, that isn't a Pokemon cause it's a form of heartless called a shadow"  
The voice out of nowhere said.

Then Sora took out a poke ball. "Charizard I choose you!"

The voice out of nowhere sighed deeply as Charizard munched on a shadow's head and munched another's leg off. Thinking they were all gone, he returned his poke-ball, just in time for one to sneak up behind him.

"!" He hit it with staff and for some reason it went away.

Sora looked as if he was gonna cry. "Did it go away?" Then he was pulled into darkness. Then he was on a weird, heart, platform, thingy. He walked up to the door and a treasure chest and a box appeared.

"Oh my god, is it my birthday? I get a present in a box!" He smashed the box but..

"It's empty." He started to cry. "This is the worst birthday present ever!" But then something shiny caught his eyes. He found keys and a card. He opened the card.  
It read..

Happy birthday Tom,  
I know it's late but I bought you a Porsche. Hope you like it.  
Love, Susie.

"Who are Tom and Susie? Oh well I have a Porsche! But where is it? Maybe, it's behind the door."

He eyed the door and it opened! He went through it and he saw three of his friends on the island sitting there.

"Talk to them." The voice said.

Sora talked to Wakka. "Hey Wakka."

"Are you fat?" He said. (A/N: No offense to anyone with these questions.)

"Say what?"

"Please select you answer:  
Yes No I like waffles"

Sora selected the I like waffles. And moved on to Tidus.

"Hey Tidus, do you notice something weird going on?"

"Are you a lesbian?" Tidus asked.

"What? I'm a dude!"

"Please select your answer:  
Yes No I like lesbians"

"Ohio yeah, Definitely going with number three." Sora smirked.

Then he went to Selphie. "Selphie, do you like lesbians?"

She then slapped him.

"Oww".. Then he was sent to Sleeping Beauty again. "Sleeping Beauty do you like lesbians?"

No response.

"Oh right.. Your a drawing."

Then more heartless came. Sora searched for his poke-ball and found it was not there. "Nuuuuuuuu! Freddie! Your not there anymore!" Then he spotted two things. One was his brand new Porsche. The other was his poke-ball being carried away by a heartless. He only had enough time to choose one or the other. Freddie,  
his faithful Charizard or his brand new car. A bead of sweat rolled down his neck and he knew what he had to do. He rushed to the Porsche as his best friend was pushed over the ledge and gone forever.

He cried. Freddie was gone. But, it didn't mean he couldn't squish the shadows under his tires. "Wooohoooo!" He called as he heard squishing and crunching sounds under his tires. After that a save point opened.

"OMFG a save point! If I knew what one was." So he saved his game.

Then a rainbow stair case appeared. "Were off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!" he sung. (A/N: Gawd.. I hate that song..) He skipped up the stairs and arrived on the final platform. Where his shadow became alive.. The evil seethed from it and it turned into a..a

"Giant cookie?" Sora asked skeptically.

The giant cookie attempted to crush Sora but he drove away just in time and from the pressure from the fall, the cookie crumbled. Sora was then thrown into the darkness. As the voice said "You are the one that will open the door," he was taken.  
Somewhere.

**Kinky- RIP Freddie v.v I will miss him.. -Cries-**

**Riku- I wanna car :O And there was a cookie :O**

**Kinky- I told you, don't try to predict me. Next chapter is Destiny Islands: Day 1 Please R&R**


	3. Destiny Islands Day 1

**Kinky- Sorry it took so long for the update, but I was uh.. Kinda busy. I was writing this chapter but my cpu crashed Dx So now I had to write it over. .**

**Loveless- Hai! I'm the uh.. co-writer thingy.**

**Sora- Oh joy.**

**Riku- -Eats ice cream like Jefree star.-**

**Kairi- ?**

**Riku- ...What? -Goes back to ice cream- Oh baby..Yes.. Give it to me, put your creamy goodness on my tongue.**

**Kinky- In this chappy everyone's gonna have accents.**

**Sora- Gangsta**

**Riku- Gey guy**

**Kairi- Canadian**

**Also I say the n word in here, but don't take it offensively, Loveless is black and is letting me.**

**-  
Chapter 3**

The sun shone brightly as Sora woke from his dead sleep. Something was poking him.

"Yo, yo, Riku is yer thang poking me?"

"Umm.. You wish aye.. It's meh Kairi." Kairi held up the culprit, a stick. "Have you seen Tidus he has meh lucky stuff."

"Eh, waz lucky stuff."

"Don't ask." She shook her head.

"Oh yeah! Kairi! Dis big ass thang tried to fucking eat me bro! I was like back the fuck up nigga before I shoot yer ass! And he was like it's cool bro, it's cool. Just chill. I was jus hungry and you looked mighty fine good eaten. And I was like, it's all good blood."

"I think you had a weird dream, aye."

"It wasn't a dream dog. That shit was like.. real. Bro it was just like.. fuck!"

"Like fuck huh? That's like.. interesting.. aye."

"Are you mocking me bitch?" Sora pulled out his 44 and put it to her head.

"Uhhhh... no.." She squirmed. "Put that away aye."

"So.. Where waz yer crib? Ya know, back home."

"I don't' remember.. I did too much drugs.." Kairi squirmed uncomfortably.

"You know.. you got big ass feet bro."

"Look whose talking.. Your feet are bigger then mine.. And besides, that is totally of the topic."

"Twhat are chu like doing Sowa?" Said an unknown voice.

"Riku, waz up homie G?"

"Umm.. Like why are chu holding a gun to Kaiwi's thead."

"Cause I fucking wanted to. Shiiit."

Riku took the gun away from Sora. "Sowwy Sowa. But like I can't have thu like.. Killing Kaiwi. Tho I quess I'm tha only won working on ta raf?" He threw a log to Sora instead hitting him in the face and knocking him out.

"Umm. I think you killed him aye.." Kairi looked down just in time to see Sora draw his 44. With a second glance of fear, Riku and Kairi were gone, Sora chasing after them shooting at them.

"That's wose then teh keyblade aye!"

"Oh be quiet, just keep running girly girl."

KINGDOM STONERS!

"Ok so what the fuck do we need?"

"We need... Two logs, One cloth, one rope, and a shoe. Aye."

Riku glanced at Kairi.. "Twhats the shoe for?"

"Our toilet."

"I'm sowwy I ased."

"Waiiiiit. Cant we jus take a piss off the side of the boat yo?" Sora asked, cleverly.

"We'd kill the fish, which we have to eat."

"Mmm.. Piss flavored fish.." Riku mumbled.

O.o

Sora went to go gather the stuff. On the way he met Selphie.

"Yo cuz, what's crakin?"

"Crack? Crack? I like crack!" Came Selphie's reply.

"Umm.. Yeaaaah."

"I gave Tidus 50 bucks."

"Fo what?"

"I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU! CRACK!"

Sora was blown away from her voice and landed on Wakka.

"Wakka are you the ony normal person here? I'm gangsta, Kairi's addicted to coke, Selphies addicted to crack,  
Tidus is their drug dealer, and Riku's lisp is soooo damn annoying!."

"Uh.. Duh?" Wakka sat there, picking his nose.

Sora sighed "Never-mind" Just then he was hit in the back of the head with Wakka's ball. He turned around as Wakka giggled, playfully.

"Ball go bouncy, on your head!" He couldn't stop laughing until Sora took out his 44 and chased him. While he chased Wakka he unexpectedly ran over Riku.

"Oww, that like bwoke my nail."

"Sorry my nigga, I'll come back to pick you off da ground later." But it was too late, he had already lost sight of Wakka.

"Dammit!"

"Hey hey. You wanna try these?" Came a voice behind a bush. "They're new."

"Naw, I don't do that shit Tidus."

"I'll give you a discount."

"Sooooolllllddd" Came Selphie's illegible scream.

Sora then ran away. "Oh fuck... I still have to find our toilet.. I mean.. Shoe."

He saw Selphie on top of Tidus, trying to steal his ecstasy, while Wakka was on top of her, attempting to suck her ear off. Sora sweat-dropped, but inched towards them, until he could reach Wakka's shoe. Slowly, he slipped it off. Running behind a bush, he drew the shoe closer and seemed to pet it, until he put it in his face and smelled it thoroughly..."Ahhhh... It smells better then apple pie.. Good thing Riku's not here.. He would make fun of my foot fetish."

"They Sowa I didn't know chu had a foot fetish."

Sora slowly turned around.. Praying that it wasn't who he thought it was. Yep.. It was Riku.

"Uhm.. Riku dawg.. I don't know what your talking bout.. Oh pllllleeeasse don't tell the ladies, it's mighty unattractive.." He started to cry.. "You gotta keep my reputation!"

Riku smirked, then took the shoe.. He put it up to his face and licked it. "I happen to have one too.."

"I bet mines stronger!" Sora took the shoe and made out with the inside passionately.

"No mine is!" Riku caressed the shoe as he fingered the inside.

"Fuck you! Mine is!" Sora put his whole hand in the shoe and started violently thrusting.

"It's miiiiiinnnnee!" Riku growled as he ate the shoe.

Sora blinked. "You.. you ate it.."

Riku blinked as well. "I.. I did.."

"Oh dammit, now I need to find anuder one!"

He went back and chased after Selphie.

Much later

Sora, Kairi, and Riku were sitting at the edge of the ocean, watching the sunset.

"Twere like.. Twying to get to anuthur world huh?" Riku asked.

"But how far can a raft take us cuz?"Sora asked too.

"Hold on aye. I have to contemplate my naval."

Sora and Riku simply looked at each other. Then Riku says some confusing crap about how they ended up on that world and what other worlds were out there.

"You've been thinking a lot lately.. Haven't you?" Kairi asked.

"Chya, thanks tew Sowa's fantasy about me and him and cookies."

As they walked down the bridge, Riku threw a Papou fruit to Sora, instead it knocked him in the head.

"Uh oh.. I think we better run for our liiiiveeesss...!" Kairi screamed

Sora merely blinked. "A papou fruit homie g? I didn't know you swang dat way."

"Like whatever" Riku said, making the hand gesture.

MEANWHILE

Donald was walking towards Micky's room in Disney castle. Knocking, because he knew what his king's favorite hobby was,Looking at Akuroku...There was no reply so he cautiously entered, covering his eyes.

"Your majesty, if your looking at akuroku can you put it down for a sec?"

No answer.

"Umm.. Please?"

Still no answer.

Donald cautiously looked, to find his majesty gone! Pluto had a letter, that Donald quickly read.  
He screamed when he saw it, and went to find Goofy. He was sleeping in the garden.

"Wake up you lazy pile of fluff! This is seriously serious!"

"Cereal?" Goofy said in his sleep. "Yeah.. I'll have the Rice crispies.."

Donald then zapped him.

"Owwwie!" he cried.

"We gots a big problemo, Goofy! But you cant tell a soul!"

"Umm.. There's a soul behind you.. Well, technically two of them."

Donald turned around to see Minnie and Daisy.

"Uh.. Oh.."

**-  
Kinky- Please R&R**

**Sora- I said the n word! OMG**

**Riku- I'm not gay!**

**Kairi- I'm not addicted to cocaine. But Selphie's still a crack addict.**

**Selphie- Am not!**


	4. Destiny Islands Day 2

**Kinky- Hey I'm back and welcome to Kingdom Stoners.**

**Loveless- Hey niggas I'm back.**

**Sora- Not you.. Weren't you the one that slandered my image?**

**Loveless- I didn't know you could use big words like that.**

**Kinky- Why am I cold all of a sudden?**

**Riku- Dumping ice cubes down my back**

**Kinky- RIKU!**

**Kairi- Just get on with the torture.. I know your gonna make us do stupid things anyway..**

**Kinky- Now that's more like it x**

**Chapter 4 Destiny Islands Day 2**

Sora was scanning the island while he was drinking mountan dew code red. "Dew the dew"  
Riku then came up to him. "Dude.. are you really doing the dew?"

"I'm doing the dew in dew time."(OK seriously, enough with the puns)

"Can I dew the dew too?"

(Seriously, enough with the puns.)

"Fine.." Riku murmured. "Well anyway, I came to ask you what you wanted to name the raft.  
And if you wanted to race. If you win.."

"We name it burgermcmuffin!" Sora blurted.

"Dear God.. Please let me win..." Riku sighed. "If I win I get to share a papou fruit with Wakka.. I mean Kairi.."Riku blushed.

"Umm.. what did you just say?"

"The winner gets to share a papou fruit with Kairi."

"Aww.. But I wanted Selphie.."

"Let's just effing race!"

"Fine, Kairi, count."

She counted and they were off.. Or at least.. Riku was.. Sora was thinking...

"Where did my Porsche go from chappy 1?"Sora thought. "I'll win if I find it!" So he went on a journey to find his Porsche, first going to Wakka.

"Hi" Wakka said. "I like.. What do I like again..? Tidus what do I like?"

"You like blitz ball." Tidus sighed. "And I like money."

"CHEESE!" Wakka screamed and ran away.

Tidus sighed. "We were supposed to go in the secret place..."

"And do what?" Sora's eye twitched.

"Why do you think it's the called the secret place?"

"Sorry I asked.. Gosh.. You don't have to yell at me like that." Sora sniffed.

Sora snuck off into the secret place.. Where he saw a drawing of Kairi and him. He was giving her a papou fruit. Sora crossed out Kairi's face and drew Marluxia. "Mmm.. Marluxia."

"I've come to see if their are cookies in this world.."

"W-Who's there? Who sounds like a gay man looking for a cookie? If you know what I mean by cookie" Sora winked.

"Ok?" The man said."I've come to bring you something."

Sora's Porsche appeared.

"My Porsche! So it wasn't a dream!"

"This world has been connected.. Tied to the darkness... In my pants.."

"Well whoever you are.. Can I make out with you..?"

"You don't know what lies beyond the door.."

"So you're from another world! Maybe you're from some weird world called 'Hollow Bastion'  
and you're some guy named Ansem's heartless and you're gonna take over Riku's body and try to kill me!"

"No.. But thanks for the idea." Then he disappeared.

Later..

Kairi and Sora were sitting on the dock. "You know.. Riku has changed.."

"You mean how he used to like women, then both, and now he likes guys and Jeffree Star."

"Umm... No.." Kairi's eye twitched.

"Kairi.. Are you ok?"

"Sora, I want you in bed. Let's take burgermcmuffin and go! Just the two of us."

"You actually called it burgermcmuffin?"

"Jay kay." Kairi said. "I'm just ready.."

"Ready for what?

"You in bed.."

"OKAY."

"Sora.. Don't ever change."

"Oops.. I changed my gender. Be right back."

5 minutes later.

Sora came back. He was in thigh high boots with long flowing hair and size "f" breasts.

"How do I look?" He said in a sexy girlish voice.

"Like Riku as a girl.." Kairi's eye twitched continually. "I changed my mind.. You can change.."

Meanwhile.

"Donald, I have left to seek out Roxas and Axel, to do fan-service.. Imma pay them 724690368476.69 And yeah.. I guess I'll save the world from darkness while I'm at it. Oh yeah.. You and Goofy have to go find a dude with a giant key. He is the key to our survival.  
Go to Leon.. He'll find him.. I guess. If he's not too busy stalking Vincent." Read Mickey's letter.

"Oh noes.. What will we do?"Daisy asked.

"Umm.. Trust the king?"Minnie said.

"I shall find the king! And this giant key with a kid attached to it."

"Thank you... And to make a journal, he'll come with you." She pointed to a cricket.

"Umm.. Dear.. Cricket's can't write."

"I can!" Jiminy said.

"Dear God.. A talking cricket.." Goofy fainted.

Jiminy sighed. "I'm used to it by now..."

"Dear God.. A talking cricket.." Minnie said and fainted.

"I thought you already heard me talk.. Guess not.."

Later.. They were walking towards the Gummi Ship.

"You're world disappeared too Jiminy?" Asked Goofy.

"Yes it was horri-"

"Dear God, A talking cricket!" Donald said and fainted.

"We gotta protect the world border order forder. And not tell people's where were from."

They took off in the gummi ship, Goofy carrying the fainted Donald. The Gummi ship started and they were off on their adventure.

**Kinky- I forgot how to spell Goofy so Loveless slapped me TT**

**Loveless- Well duh.. You couldn't spell write either..**

**Kinky- I'm brain dead today Dx**

**Goofy- You couldn't spell my name? TT I feel unloved.**

**Kinky- Please R&R**

**Goofy- Fine.. Ignore my self pitying.**

Meanwhile..  
It was midnight, Riku was standing by the tree, still waiting for Sora to finish the race. "Umm.. Hello? Sora?"


	5. Departure

Kinky- Its here! Chapter5 :D

Sora- Oh joy.

Kinky- Turn that frown upside down :D

Sora- O.o

Riku- NEVER!! I AM EMO LORD!! FEAR ME!!

Sora and Kinky- O.o

Anyways, onto chapter 5.

Chapter 5- Departure

Sora was lying on his bed, drifting to sleep. He was dreaming. It was a nightmare.. About

"AHHHH THE OVERY PEOPLE!!!" Sora screamed, jolting awake. But it was just a dream. Little people were not gonna steal his overies.. If he had them.

"I do too have overies!" Sora exclaimed.

Uh huh.. Sure you do. Anyway, Sora noticed there was a storm a brewin and he ran out the door.

"Burgermcmuffin's gonna die D: Don't die!!!!" He screamed.

Meanwhile, Sora's Mom was just done with dinner.

"Sora! Dinner's ready! It's refried spleens, your favorite!!!"

Sora paused. His re-fried spleen senses were tingling. "RAWR!!" He ran back to the house and devoured the human spleens.

"Screw the raft, I get my spleens.."

Later.

"Now to save burgermcmuffin, Riku, Kairi, Cloud, Sephiroth, Vincent, Micky Mouse, and Dora the Explorer!"

He ran out the door, noticing a portal-looking thing in the sky.

"What's that??" All of a sudden it started to rain cookies.

"Cookies? That means something evil is happening. Swiper no swiping."

A small fox was in the bushes saying "Shit. Foiled again."

Sora then noticed that Riku and Kairi's boats were there. Then the heartless appeared, one by one. To consume.  
Human flleeeessshhhh. "AHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGJ IT'S THE OVERY PEOPLE! RUN THEY'RE GONNA STEAL OUR OVERIES!"

He ran to the island and found Riku.

"Riku.. The overy people have come to take our overies..!!" He panted.

"Sora.. I hate to break it to you... But only Kairi's endangered."

"Why??'

"Because.. Sora... WERE MEN! WE DON'T HAVE OVERIES!!"

"So.. You mean... Zexion and Xigbar arn't real??"

"You named.. Your non-exsitant overies..." Riku's eye twitched. "Zexion and Xigbar?"

"Well, yeah. You wanna know what I named my penis?"

"Uh.. Not particullarly.. No... But go ahead..."

"I named him Roxas."

"I knew I shouldnt have asked...."

"Anyway, wheres Kairi?"

"Sora, the door has opened."

"What about Kairi? Did she open too? For public survices."

"Kairi's coming with us. HIDE THE SAUSAGE!!"

o.O

Then darkness started consuming Riku. "I'm not afraid of the darkness." He smirked.

"Well.. Duh.. You become Prince Of Darkness."

"Sounds better then the Key to our survival."

"Eh.. True."

Then Riku held out his hand as the darkness started to consume Sora. Sora tried to take his hand. But wait.. Would his fangirls think him gay?? ((What fangirls? Riku has them all.)) So he turned away.

"Sorry Riku.. I don't love you that way.."

"You idiot.." Riku said as he dissapered.

Sora dissapered too, until there was a bright light and he had a keybladde.

"Where'd this come from? It's a golden penis!" He exclaimed.

Wrong.. It's a keyblade .

"I like golden penis better. Anyway, to find Kairi."

He went to the secret place, just in time to find Kairi."

"Sora.. I lost my pink, glow in the dark, vibrating, dildo, that makes 24 farm animal noises."

O.o

"Oh.. I lost my heart too.." Then the door opened and she was blown away. So was Sora. To the giant cookie. It was back and looked more fierce then ever.

"How can a cookie look fierce?"

I have no clue.

He swung the keyblade at the cookie, causing it to slightly crumble. But they couldn't finish there battle, for they were both sucked into a giant portal.. To somewhere...

-------------

Kinky- I dont think I did a good job on this chappy but w/e. Please review and tell me if I did or now.

Sora- Kookies! 


	6. Traverse Town:First Visit

Kinky- I know I just updated but I've been looking forword to writing this chappy for a while.

Sora- Not again.

Leon- Hey I'm in this one :3

Riku- Uhh.. That's not a good thing -  
Chapter 6 ----- Traverse town: First visit

Donald, who's name sounds too familiar to Download, and Goofy, who's name sounds too familiar to I dont even know,  
were looking at the stars. One blinked out, but they didn't seem to notice.

"Is that the little dipper?"Donald asked.

"I think it's the big dipper.."Goofy said.

"No it's the little.." Donald insisted.

"NOpe, big."

"Little"

"BIIIIIG."

"Mine is jargantuan", some random person said.((A/N: You have to be really pervy to get that.))

"I have erectile disfunction." Someone else said.

O.o

"Umm.. Let's get out of here.."Donald said.((A/N: Dammit I keep wanting to write download.))

"Right."

And they walked off.

"Where's the key with a kid attatched to it?" Donald asked.

"Let's ask stalker-man..." Goofy said.

"I'd uh.. Rather not.." Donald replied.

"Yeah.. Right. Come on you stupid dog!" Goofy said like Eustice for Courage the Cowardly dog.. God I hate that show.

Pluto went up and licked Sora. Then the Power Puff Girls came.

"Have you seen a monkey named Mo jojojojoojpjpjojojojojoppkpkp?" They asked.

"Isn't that like too many jos and not enough mos."Sora woke up asking.

"No there's only one mo."

"Damn.. I really need to watch girly cartoons more. Wait.. Where the hell am I anyway?"

'In Traverse town the city of Townsville was destroyed by the heartless." Bubbles cried.

"You said that like I would care.."Sora said.

The power puff girls went off crying, Pluto chasing them.

Sora walked in the distance. Where were all his friends?

"I wish I had a pickle.." He said.

Just then a man popped out of nowhere and fell to the ground, his heart being taken. A heartless appeared.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S THE OVERY PEOPLE!! They've returned to take Xigbar and Zexion."

Just then the heartless shook it's head and pointed to something else.

"Nuuuuu not Roxas!! Anything but him!"

He ran away but the heartless were EVERYWHERE. Except in Sora's ear.

"Yay! I still have my ear!!"

Just then a heartless bit off his ear. Sora started to cry. "I liked that.. I named him Marluxia! My other ear's name is Vexen!!"

Did you name every part of your body?

O.o

"Maybe.."

Just then a mysterious person in red shot them all dead.

"Who are you?" Sora asked.

"Shhhh.. I'm trying to loose Stalker man."The mysterious man replied.

"VINCENT!! Where areeeee you hunny??"

"Agghggggg!!!"Vincent screamed. "It's stalker man!"

"Call me 3" He said. Then he noticed Sora. "Hey your pretty hot, too bad I'm not a child molestor."

"Uhhhh.. Thanks?" Sora's eye twitched.

"My name's Leon." The man said.

Then some heartless came.

"Not the overy/ear people again.."

"Uh.. Those things.. Are actually after your heart and your keyblade ."Leon said.

"Really? Then what are the overy people?"

"That would be Organization XIII."

"So Xigbar wants to steal himself?"

"What am I physcic?"

"Most stalkers are..."

"True dat... Anyway, I'm here to molest your golden penis.. Er.. Keyblade."

"There's no way you can molest Saix."

"You named your keyblade Saix? Oh for the love of... Fine I'll fight you and take it. Then I'll go stalk my Vinny again."

He took out his gunblade. They fought and Sora collapsed.

"Aww your slipping Leon."Yuffie said.

"I didnt want to scratch his beautiful, succulent face.."

O.o

Meanwhile.  
Donald and Goofy were really scared.

"I think I wet myself" Donald said.

"Better then what I did.." Goofy whispered.

All of a sudden Aerith came up behind him.

"Are you guys sent here by the king?"She asked.

Meanwhile, Sora was asleep.

"Come on you lazy thingy wake up."Kairi said.

"My penis is lazy.. Hmm never thought of it that way before."

"What?"

"Im so glad your ok Kairi."

"Kairi? Who's that? Im the great ninja Yuffie and I sewed your ear back on!"

The dream went away and Sora found himself looking at Yuffie.

"I think you over did it Stalker Man "Yuffie said.

"Its Leon"He grumbled.

"We had to get the keyblade away from you cause of the heartless."

"So thats what the overy peple are called."

"Overies? Do you actually believe you have them?"

"Well yeah doesnt everyone?"

"Uh.. Nevermind..."

Sora got his keyblade back. Then they expained about some dude named Ansem and other worlds. Then the heartless attacked."

"Not my overies!!"Yuffie ran away.

"Looks like its just you and me Sora."

"Wait.. But I want my overies too."

"For the last time!!! Oh nevermind!!"

Sora and Leon fought many heartless. So did Donald and Goofy.

"A heartless!"Jiminy said.

"Oh my shit its a talking cricket!!!" Goofy fainted. Donald blasted him with him magic and they flew high into the sky, landing on Sora.

Then a bunch of heartless attacked and finally..

"I am Mojojojojojojojojojojoojojooojojojo-"

Sora butt raped him with the keyblade and sent him to mars.

"A key!" Donald and Goofy said. "We've been looking for you.. Come with us."

"Uh.. Can I find Riku, Kairi, and Dante Sparda?"

"Sure.."They lied.

"Sora.. Go with them" Leon said.

And Vincent popped out of nowhere.

"Take me with you!!! I dont wanna be stuck with emo stalker guy!!"

"Oh Vincent baby Im not emo!" Leon smiled cutely.

O.o

Vincent ran away with Leon stalking after him.

"Nuuu being emo."Donald said in which Sora made the creepiest smile EVER. Then they introdued themselves.

"Im the muffin man" Yuffie said.

Meanwhile....

"This is the evil convention only evil people here."Malefiancet said to Superman.

"Aww damit.." He said and flew off.

"That brat took down the heartless but I have something special for him.."

OH YEAH.

-  
Kinky: Please r&&r I feel unloved D:

Leon- Review for Stalkerman :D 


	7. Wonderland

Kinky- Welcome back to the show x3 And we have a special guest.

Sora-Who?

Kinky- You'll see

-  
Chapter 7-Wonderland

Sora, Goofy, and Donald, fell into a hole. Dont ask me where this hole was located. But they fell and they reached the bottom to see a rabbit running by saying he was late.

"Oh my shit! It's a talking rabbit now!! What will become of life as we know it???"Sora gasped as he passed out.

So did Goofy and Donald.

The white rabbit ran through a door saying hes late and the king would take his head.

After waking up Sora, Goofy, and Donald, went through a door. They came to another door. It began to tell them they were too big to go through. "OH MY CRAP ITS A TALKING DOOR NOW????" Donald fainted.

Sora sighed realizing something. "I just realized that Donalds a talking duck... and I have no clue what you are Goofy. Are you a chimera?"

"My Mom was a human and my Dad was a dog."

Sora's eye twitched."I guess I'll call you a human dog or a hog. What about a duman?"

"Goofy will do fine" he replied.

"Are you guys gonna keep me awake ANY longer" The door sighed.

"How do we get small?"Sora asked.

"Drink that botle over there."

"Is it rat poison?"

"Uhhh... Noooo.. Whyever would we poisen outsiders?"

"Ok!!!!!!" Sora said a little to enthiusastly..

Just then Brittney Spears walked in.

"Ohemgee Its Brittney Bitch. I am soooo like thirsty for a guy, but I'll drink this rat poisioning just cause it'll make me an even worse mother."

She drunk it and dropped dead.

"HOW THE EF ARE WE GONNA GET SMALL?"Sora yelled.

"Fine. Another glass popped up on the table."

Sora ran to it and started drinking it.

"Shouldn't you like test it first?" Donald said, now awake.

Then Sora shrunk. So the rest of the the gang, drank it too.

They all shrunk, except for Donald. Something wasn't right.

"I hic... Like.. Hic... Bewbies."He said.

Then he shrunk, but he was still in a drunken state.

He started to sing.

"Oooh you touch my tralala... Mmmm my ding ding dong."

o.O

They hauled Doanld and went through the door.

They saw a court in the distance and ran as a girl was being sentenced.

The king was...

Gunther!

"This girl is the culprit, I'm sure of it." He said. "And the reason is... She doesnt have a penis. You have to have a penis in penis land"

"I thought this was Wonderland.' Sora whispered

"For the crime you commited do you have any defense?"

"Umm. Girls dont have penis?'"she said.

"We'd better help her."Sora said running over. "STOP! Just because she doesnt have a Roxas doesnt mean she has to die."

"Wait.."The girl said. "Can I chop off your penis with safety sciccors and glue it to my forhead? Then I can be a unicorn!"

"Uhhh.. Not Roxas."

"Fine." She looked at Donald.

"I'll go..hic.. Look for one hic, in that hic garden hic over there." He took off before anyone could say anything.

The chestire cat appeared in front of Goofy and Sora. "I have a kitty penis. It's furry and pink."

O.o

"Ummm...0kay?"Sora said.

"Donald where are you" Asked Goofy. He found him lying in pile of teletubies passed out.

The teletubies were singing.

"If your happy and you know it clap your toes."

Riku came out of nowhere and obivilarated them all. Then he teleported out of penisland.

"Was that Riku?' Sora exclaimed.

"Nooo... I think it was Freddy Couger."

They picked up Donald and went back to court.

"She has no ding ding dong so now I must chop off her head" Said Gunther.

Sora and Goofy fought the cards and chopped up a tower, that was shaped like a penis. But when they went to rescue Alice, she wasn't there.

"What the ef?"Sora asked.

They went off to to find her finding the mad hatters tea party and a bunch of other crap. They kept seeing the Chesire cat everywhere, and it wouldn't shut up about it's ding ding dong.

"Are you TRYING to stalk us?"Sora asked the Chesire cat. Then they were attacked by a bunch of heartless.

Sora hid behind Goofy. "NOT THE OVERY PEOPLE!!!!!"

Goofy sighed

They fought them and then went back to where they came from where a giant banana attacked them.

"Do they really think were scared of a banana?" Goofy asked.

Then the bannana took out 3 giant swords, 2 handguns, a saw, a knife, a gernade, and a dildo.

"RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sora looked the door real fast and they ran away.

Kinky- Please R&R

Giant banana- |Comes out of no where|

Kinky- RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 


	8. Deep Jungle

Kinky- Welcome to chapter.. Uh.. Whatever this is x.x I just had a fight with my bf so I'm writing this to make me in a better mood :D

Loveless- Bitch gimmie that egg nog.

KInky- EGG NOG WHERE??

Loveless- In my shoe.

Riku and Sora- -Look up bright eyed- Did you say shoe? :O

Kinky- Better start before they eat our shoes .

Chapter 8---Tarzan.

((What the fuck is that?? It looks like a penis.. O.o))

Sora and the gang were eating gummy bears. Or.. What they thought were gummi bears. Turns out they were different colored baby seals. They were on the gummi ship.

"My gummi bear is purple." Donald said.

"Mine's blue, so it's better" Sora smirked.

"Hell naw fool. Purple it is." Donald argued.

"BLUE!"

"PURPLE"

"Baaaaalllllleeeeewww."

Just then the gummi ship crashed into a planet. Sora was thrown into a building.

"Is this a strip club?"

All of a sudden a tiger popped out and peed on Sora.

"That is NOT attractive." Then Sora began to strip.

"MMm... I like my victims naked." Said the tiger.

"FTW?? Your a tiger how can you talk?" Sora exclaimed.

"Dude.. At least I'm not a cricket."

"Dear God a talking Tiger!!" Sora passed out.

"Oh well, might as well eat him now." The tiger was about to take a bite out of him when a guy in a loincloth appeared and started beating it on the head with a brick.

"Bloody hell this is a most barbaric manner of taming a beast." Tarzan said.

The tiger ran away.. The brick was too strong.

Tarzan reached in his loincloth, just as Sora was waking up.

"W-What are you doing? I don't want to see.."

Tarzan took out the Ring girl.

"FTW? Are you serious?"

"I AM THE RING GIRL OF PONANIES NOW I MUST STEAL YOUR BOXERS." Said the ring girl as she stole Sora's underwear.  
"WHY THE HELL IS THIS A THONG? DO I EVEN WANNA KNOW?" The Ring girl jumped back into Tarzan's loincloth.

"My secret bannana hammock fetish!! Nuuuuuu! Wait. I'm naked now. I KNEW THIS WAS A STRIP CLUB."

"I say good chap may I offer you a spot of tea?" Tarzan asked, pulling the naked Sora with him."

Meanwhile the tiger was watching them. "Mmmm.. Nakedness.. It'll soon be mine."

....

With Donald and Goofy.

"Dude did you know there's like totally a gummi block from the king?"Goofy said.

Then a weird guy came out of the bushes.

"Don't ask me what I was doing in those bushes.." He said.

"Umm.. What were you doing in those bushes?"

"I was doing a little .beep. with a pic of Dora the explorer .beeping. the .beep. out of .beep."

Goofy and Donald exchanged confused glances, Before turning around and throwing up on the man ."

"EWW I TOLD YOU YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW! Anyways, I'm here to quote study end quote the gorrilas. STUDY." He did air quotes.

"Well ok. Studyings perfectly ok." Donald said.

"Uh.. Is it just me or were those air quotes a little too obvious?"

"Air quote? Where?" Donald said.

Goofy sighed.. Why was Donald an idiot?

.  
With Tarzan and Sora

Tarzan jumped down and slid down a stripper pole. Or what Sora thought was a stripper pole until one of the branches hit him directly in the balls.

"MY Insides feel funny!! I think I killed my sperm." Sora cried.

Another branch hit him in his testicular area.

"AHHHHH!!! THERE'S A HOLE IN MY PENIS!!!!" Sora cried.

"Umm..theres supposed to be a hole..." Tarzan said.

"Is it supposed to gush blood?"

e.e "Umm.. Well...er.. Y-no."

"I knew I should of worn a condum!!"

O.o

They got to Jane's place. She was eating a cake.

"I'm trying to get cancer so I can have a canabus club card." She told them.

"Why would you want cancer for that??"

"Why would you not want cancer for that? Who are you anyway? My name's Jane annnnd like.. are you here to hunt the gorrilas?" She took out a gun and her face turned evil.

Then the man brought in Donald and Goofy.

"Omg I thought you guys left me at a strip club!!" He hugged them. "BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." He said to Donald.

"This still isn't resolved?" Goofy sighed.

"Who is that?"Sora asked about the man.

"He's Clayton.." They said.

Clayton picked up a book and began reading, soon he put the book down and went back to the bushes. Sora saw that it was a Blue's Clues book. O.o

"Well anyway, feel free to stay." Jane said, smirking at them.. But she was still holding a gun.

"Umm... That's ok.. But.."Goofy began

"I'M STAYING." Both Donald and Sora said.

"Whatever for?" Goofy asked.

"Because Its part of the game.. We have to be in this world and defeat the heartless Clayton."

"Clayton turns into a what?" Goofy asked.

"A heartless.." Sora said.

"Eh.. He seems way to preoccupied though... With his hand."

"Oh he will."

"So madam Jane will you show these three upstanding gentlemen a slide show to take up more time while Clayton's milking the cow..?" Tarzan asked, sipping tea.

"Sure." Jane put in the slides. On the screen came a picture of boobies.

"Oops.. Wrong slides.. Those are my Sex ED ones.." She put another up, this time it was a picture of a girl and a guy doing the unmentionable.

"Uh.. Damn.. That was my porn slide.. Here we go.." She put in another slide it had a picture of Naruto on it.

"Is this your friend?"

"Uh.. Noooo..."

Next slide was a pic of mansex.(Xemnas.)

"This?"

"Nu uh"  
She put up a pic of a fat guy doing jumping jacks and his moobs (Man boobs) Were bouncing up and down in slow motion.

"OH GOD NO!!!"Sora threw up.

"Those are the only ones we've seen in this forest.." She said.

All of a sudden someone screamed "Believe it."

"Believe it? How corney is that?" Sora asked.

"Not corneyer then the end of Kingdom Hearts II." Naruto said.

"Point taken."

"The only place we havn't checked is the place where the gorrilas are.." Jane said.

Clayton came over.

"Don't ask me what I just did in that bush.." He said.

"What'd you-?"Sora began..

"DON'T ASK HIM~!!"Donald and Goofy yelled.

"Cheerio.. I'll take you to the fine upstanding gorrilas. But there manners really are notrousous." Tarzan said shaking his head. "Come along now fellas let's go."

"I'll go as an escort. I'd love to shoot.. I mean Stab... I mean blow up.. I mean.. STUDY quote quote gorillas." He smirked.

"That's fine I want to study them too" Sora agreed.

(Wow... Are these people really that stupid? Loveless- Yep.. Me- ...-.-)

They arrived at the gorrila's. Tarzan talked to them. "I say old chap.. these lil buggers need our support. Let me keep one as a pet..?"Tarzan asked.

"No.."Kercheck said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"NO." Then he left.

"Bloody hell he made me feel quite horrible.."

Meanwhile with Clayton.

Clayton held a gun and aimed it at a gorrila.. But then Donald came up.

"I thought you were studying them!!" he yelled, making him miss.

"Damn you.. This is a telescope can't you see? I was studying them."

"Oops sorry.." Donald said and left as he shot a gorrila dead and hauled the carcass away.

Later..

"You shot at a gorrila!! Your'e not allowed to go there anymore cause that's my job." Said Jane. She was wearing a black trench coat, camo pants, and giant millitary boots.

Clayton went outside. He was mad and I mean really mad. "I'll hunt down those f-ing Gorilla's eventually!... But first.."He disapered inside the bushes.

Soon everyone heard a gun shot. They ran outside and there were a bunch of heartless. Sora beat them on the head with his keyblade.. Even though they looked like monkeys.

Another gun shot... The three friends ran towords the gunshot and found a seaseme street and Barny playboy magazine... But no Clayton.

"I'M BACK!!" Came a voice. It was the tiger and it bit Sora's head off. Sora ran around without a head like a chicken. Tarzan pulled a guest star out of his loincloth. It was Brittney.

"POTATOES!!" She screamed at the tiger.

"I hate potatoes.." Said the tiger.

"OH NO YOU DIDNT DISS THE POTATOES! YOU ARE SO DEAD." She tackled it and they fought to the death, finally Brittney stood up, the victor. "Anyone else wanna diss the potatoes?"

Everyone shook their head... Scared out of their mind.

Meanwhile with Jane.

A gorilla entered the tent and hugged her. "HAHA GORILLA HUNTING TIME" She said as she grabbed a knife. She stabbed the gorilla.. But it didn't work. "What the? Oh wait.. This is a butter knife.."

Then by some means, they were both kidnapped and brought deep in the forest. Sora and the gang rescued them, then they found Clayton about to shoot a gorilla. Jane bitch slapped him. "I TOLD YOU THAT WAS MY JOB."

"That, Madame, is not Clayton or any particular thing close to him." Said Tarzan.

"What do you mean?"

All of a sudden he started floating.

"That's uh.. kinda awkwared.. But ok.." Sora said.

Some weird, cat-like sounds came from the empty space below.

"Its an invisible, huggable, kitty kat!!" Tarzan said running up to it. But the invisible whatever it was bitch slapped him.

"Bloody hell mate.. What in the world was that for?"Tarzan asked, close to tears.

So they fought and killed the both of them. The invisible cat and Clayton.

"Nooooo you will never part me and Franklin the turtle apart!!" Clayton said as he keeled over, dead.

A gorilla came over and threw Sora in the air to a cave. Then the rest. They entered a cave.

"Pardon but did you know your pals are in your heart?" Tarzan said.

"Grrrreat.. That's a big help.." Sora sighed. "Well..anyway, I'll agree with you Donald.. Purple is the best."

"I knew it~!" Donald punched the air.

"What's that?" Sora saw a keyhole and his key went in the keyhole and locked it.

"Why does that sound wrong coming from you?" Sora asked.

Because I am the perviest chick in The world... Besides yaoi fangirls that write about guys having sex and meatloafs going in steamy ovens.

"True.."

"Omg Im so in love with you." A gorilla said to Donald.

"Umm... Gross.." Donald said.

"Interratial species." Sora said.

Meanwhile at the bad guys

"Dude.. why were heartless there?"Someone asked

"They were living in Tarzans loin cloth."Maleficant said.

"Okay?"

.....

Kinky- Review for potatoes or Brittney will kill you!!! 


	9. Olympus Collisium: First Visit

Kinky: Omg, sorry for late update. Dx Ive been on hiatus!!!

Sora: -Eating a taco and hasnt noticed me yet.-

Kinky: Hey Sora!

Sora- O.o.... -Looks up veeeeery slowly- No.. Not..Not yet.. I want to live a bit longer..

Kinky- :DDDD -Kicks Sora in the Testicular area-

Sora- Now I can't have babies!!!! D: You evil witch!!

Chapter 9 -Olympus Collisium, first visit.

Sora was walking like a pimp up to the collisium room. He felt like he could tackle the world. Frekin weirdo.  
Anyway, he walked into a room. "I FEEL LIKE I COULD TACKLE THE WORLD."

"Good." Phil said. "Then move that giant block that's impossible for any other person to move. Except maybe.  
Holk Hogan."

"Holk Hogan?? He's my favorite actress!!!" Sora gasped.

"Are you an idiot Sora..? An actress is a girl!! And Johnny Depp is waaaaaaaay better anyway." Donald sighed.

"Anyway.. I'm gonna move that block and no one's gonna stop me!!!" Sora vowed.

"Hi.." Two people said. One was a guy named Kimblee, who was from Full Metal Alchemist. The other was a guy named Deidara, from Naruto.

"Who are you?" Sora asked. "And why do you have mouths in your hands???" Sora pointed at the blond one, known as Deidara. "It's frekin weird!!"

"We're here for a reason, yeah. We're gonna blow that block up."

"Oh no you-"

But the block was already gone. So were Deidara and Kimblee. And so was Donald.

"Where the hell'd Donald go?" Sora whined, not wanting to have to look for him AND beat Cerberus.

"He esploded." Goofy sighed.

"How do you know he-"Sora turned around and screamed. "Is that an intestine on your face?"

"Yeah. Too bad were not in Halloween town. That'd be fun."

"Do you even remotely care that Donald just blew up and his intestine is dangling from your eye lid??"

"No.. Not particularly." The dog shrugged.

"Oh. Well then I don't feel so bad because I didn't really care either. Well, I would of but if he just dissapered I'd have to look for him and I'm waaaay too lazy to do that."

"Did you move the block yet?" The dwarf-goat-thing asked.

"Er.. Yeah. I air quote moved air quote it. Air quote."

"What's with all the air quotes?"

"It's cause I haven't taken my meds."

"Oh no your gonna die Hercules! I keep telling you to take them. I mean you're already gonna die, cause there's no cure for AIDS but you'd live longer if-.. Who the hell are you??"Phil asked.  
"I'm-"

"I seriously don't care who the hell you are. This is 'The RectuM.' Heroes only. I'm hosting the games and so I have to get ready so GO THE HELL AWAY MIDGETS!"

Sora didn't ever get mad at being called a zero instead of a hero. But he WAS NOT SHORT.  
OK, so maybe he did have Edward Elric syndrome. Badly.

"I AM NOT MIDGET OR PEA OR BEAN SPROUT OR ANT OR-" For a half an hour Sora came up with any name you could call a short person from 'small' to 'chode', all the while beating the crap out of Phil. When he was done he started crying and threatening to commit suicide for being 'you know the word'.

"Hey. You guys aren't heroes but could you move this other block. It's irking me." Phil said.

Sora tried and tried to move the block, but it wouldn't budge. "Dammit I broke my spine!"  
Sora fell to the floor, having a seizure.

"EPIC FAIL!" Phil said and pushed another block with ease.

"I hate myself.." Sora moaned.

"Alright, since I don't want to be convicted for manslaughter because I made you kill yourself. I'll take you training." Phil's eye twitched.

"Yay!" Sora jumped up and down.

"F-ing faker..."

The went training and Sora broke a lot of barrels, for apparently no reason at all. Then they went back inside to where Goofy was washing blood and chunks of duck out of his hair.

"Hey, you know Duck's edible?"Goofy asked.

"Er.. Yeah why?"Sora's eye twitched.

"Well. I got kinda hungry. So I planned his death so I could eat him."

"Seriously??"

"I'm going to jail.. Aren't I?" Goofy cried.

"Hell yeah you are. First degree murder and you made the block blow up!! Death Sentence for sure."

"Crap.."

"So how'd I do on my training Phil?"

"It wasn't bad, but your still s-.. Not a hero." He had almost said the "short word"

"Why not?"

"Two words! Your not heroes and never will be."

"That's 7 words baka yaroo!"

-Later-

A certain would be trio but now duet were sitting outside the Oylumpus.. Sorry the RectuM.  
Wishing on a daffodil fluff they found. Wishing they could go the games.

"Hey. You wanna go to the games?" A strange man with fire for hair, gray skin, and jagged teeth, that popped out of nowhere and could in no way whatsoever be a fairy asked them.

"Are you a fairy?" Sora asked.

"Uh.. Sora, I don't think he's a fairy.. Fairy's wear pink and are girls and-"

"He's a dark fairy! I read about them once.. They live off of Men's flesh and internal organs. They drink blood with their meals that consists of live fetus' and-"

"Sora!"

"What?"

"What in God's name are you reading??"

"Necromancy?"

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Well duh! It's the art of folding napkins."

"......"

"Hey!"The man said. "I AM a fairy. Yes I'm a fairy, a beautiful dancing fairy."

"No. No you're not." Goofy sighed.

"I'll prove it. By bringing your friend back to life."

There was a flash and Donald appeared. But he was rotting and tried to put his whole mouth around Sora's head.

"He's an effing zombie!" Goofy exclaimed.

"Oh my God! I read about these in one of my books! I've always wanted to make one"Sora gasped.

Goofy whacked Donald over the head and soon he returned to normal. "Dude.. What happened?"

"You got blown up, eaten, came back as a zombie, and tried to eat me!" Sora laughed hysterically.

"He hasn't taken his meds today has he?" Donald raised his eyebrow. If he has them.

"No.. No he hasn't."

"Hey. So you guys wanna be in the game right?"

"Er. What's the game?" Sora asked.

"Oh my God I'm going to smack him..."Goofy sighed.

"It'ssomethingyouwannagoinandI'mnottrickingyouinanywaypossible." Hades said like someone who reads the side effects of medications on a commercial.

Sora gasped. "Are you selling Ada-van? That stuff makes me high!"

"Uh.. Yeah sure kid. Here's your ticket.. Er.. prescription. For Ada-van. Just take it to the goat."

"OK!" Sora ran. He gave the ticket to Phil.

"How the hell..?"

"A cannibalistic faerie! It was pretttttttttttty..."Sora drooled.

"Umm.. Nevermind! Welcome aboard I guess?"

"Where's my Ada-van?????????????????"

"Err.. See that guy with Blond spiky hair? He has it! If you beat him, you get it!"

"OHMYGOD YEY!"

Meanwhile, that same blond punk was talking to the Cannibalistic faerie!

"So.. I have to kill that kid..?" You said I only had to kill Hercules."

"You have to kill the kid to get to Hercules."

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I'm honestly kind of scared of that kid. He's foaming from the mouth.."

"True dat.. Hey I'll give you an extra fifty."

"You mean it..?"

"Yes. Chocolate chip."

"Why are you giving me Chocolate Chip for the kid? And you only gave me oatmeal raisin for Hercules."

"Because it's good. Oatmeal Raisin is the best!"

"You are a sick bastard..." He said as he walked away.

"Geez.. Stiffer than the stiffs back home. And in my pants. And in their pants... Maybe he's.."Hades trailed off as he began thinking about abnormal disgusting things.

Cloud stood on the arena across from a foaming mouthed Sora. "Oh God.. He better give me a Snickerdoodle too.."

Minutes later Cloud was having his foot chewed on by Sora, where he lay unconscious. His shoe began to dissolve, as if Sora's saliva was acid. Finally, Cloud's right big toe was exposed. It was lying there, delicately, as if to say it was an innocent being that wanted to loose it's innocence. And who better than to, but someone with a foot fetish.

As soon as he was biting down, a giant three headed, black dog appeared and in his mouth was Vicadin!(Loveless-You gotta be kidding me right? Kinky- Unfortunately I'm not.)

"Well it's not Ada-van, but it's mine!!!" Sora roared.

All of a sudden Tripple H, the Pro-wrestler showed up.

"..The hell? This fic is getting weirder by the second" Sora asked.

"I'm Hercules. I pro-wrestle in my spare time. Don't make fun of me because I am superior to you in every way possible. Now get out of here before I kill you and this dog."

Sora was dragged inside. But something wasn't right. His pre-insane brain couldn't think of it though. "Oh my God I forgot my vicadin! We gotta go back. NAO!"

so they went and found Hercules or Tripple H, backed up against a wall.

"Oh my God it's gonna eat me it's gonna eat me it's gonna eat-"He was panicking and chewing nervouly on his nail.

"Were here!" Sora gasped and the three-headed dog ran after him.

"Oh my God you maggot! You ruined my glory. Fool, you won't last 5 mins. against that dog."

"Kid, I got 150 words for you. Attack!"

"That's one word! And there are 150 pokemon in the beginning of Pokemon!"Sora flaunted, until he was hit by Cerberus.

The trio (Yes it's a trio now) fought against it's many heads and crap and then it started puking purply-black crap.

They were beginning to lose. And Sora noticed this. He attacked the head, and the dog accidentally swallowed the vicadin.

"THAT WAS MINE YOU BASTARD!!! NUUUUUUUUU" Sora cried.

Soon after, Cerberus got high. It got lazy and fell asleep. In 3 mins, they had beaten it.

"Take that damn you Tripple H you cocky bastard!" Sora leaped in the air, only to be knocked unconscious by Cerberus' tail, which was moving in it's sleep.

Sora, still manical and now conscious, started drinking the purplish black puke. He screamed as it came pouring out of a newly formed hole in his stomach.

Later, after Sora had finally taken his meds, Phil pronounced them Jr. heroes.

"What do you mean Jr heroes??"Donald screeched

"If you can beat The Undertaker.. Than I'll call you a hero!" Hercules smirked.

"I have beat him!" Sora said. "...On my video game. It's called Smack Down Vs RAW 2009."

"I give up on humanity.." Phil sighed. "Anyway come back for The Games!"

"What games?" Sora asked.

"Er.. Umm, come back for a visit?" Phil asked.

"OK."

"Of course I'M the one that beat up Cerberus. I let him finish him off." Hercules smirked,  
flipping his hair.

"That's not what Sora said. He said that you were cornered, stuttering, and most likely wet yourself." Phil said.

"Why that little! I was not stuttering!"

"So you were cornered and you wet yourself?"

"..Maybe.."

"How are you a hero again?"

Sora was leaving RectuM, when he saw the Blond man he fought. He walked over to him.

"Why'd you help that Cannibal faerie? He wasn't very nice."

"I.. Did it for cookies.. I'm a cookie addict I hate to admit. But Hades promised me altogether 150 cookies."

"What's up with the number 150??" Sora asked.

"Dunno." Goofy said. "But I wanted it to be 69."

o.O

"I tried to exploit the darkness, because everyone says they have cookies. But I didn't see a single effing darned cookie."

"I'm searching too." Sora said.

"For 'it'"?

"Yes.. The legendary golden cookie." Sora said.

"I'm sure you'll find it someday." Cloud smirked and placed his hand on Sora's shoulder before walking away.

"You bitch! You touched my shoulder!" Sora yelled. "I wanna re-match!"

"I think I'll pass" Cloud said as he did the famous, girly hair flip of doom.

Meanwhile Hades was talking to himself about Hercules. "He's strong.. And handsome."

"No he's not." Maleficant, who came out of nowhere told him.

"Go away D:"Hades whined, in which she left.

"I thought he was falling to the darkness and came to warn him, but I guess I was worried for nothing." She thought, after hearing his whine.

-------

Kinky- Yeah, I had writers block on this chapter, but it's finally done!

Sora- Can we go home now?

Kinky- Sure. But you'll be back mind you. There's still 25 more chapters. -Evil face-

Sora- NuuuUuu! 


End file.
